My Immortal: The Sporking
by Marilee04
Summary: This is MadameSporker, reporting for duty! I would like to announce to y'all that this is my sporking of My Immortal, the so-called worst fanfiction ever. Enjoy my added (sarcastic) comments to the fanfic!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is MadameSporker, reporting for duty! I would like to announc** **e to y'all that this is my sporking of My Immortal, the so-called worst fanfiction ever. By the way, this is not mine. Totally not mine! But, I wasn't able to get the original one (y'know, the cringy, horribly spelt one) Sorry for all who I will offend in this sporking.**

 **Disclaimer: My Immortal does not belong to me. Harry Potter (even if it was oh-so-canon-raped) also does not belong to me. Only the remarks in bold do.**

* * *

AN: Special fangz **Fangz? What kind of special fangs are you giving us? Sabertooth Tiger fangs?** (get it, coz Im goffik) **No, I don't get it cuz I'm not goffik and I believe goffik isn't a word.** 2 my gf **Oh, you have someone. Lucky you.** (ew not in that way) **In what way? Specify.** raven, bloodytearz666 **Damn, that must've been a lot of blood if your 666 tears were that bloody.** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **And now,** **I blame Raven.** U rok! **Nope. I rock.** Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing **Zzzing. I'm zzzleeping.** life u rok 2! **Oh 2, you rock! Go number 2!** MCR ROX! **Learning how to spell rocks!**

XXXXXXXXXXXXX **Yawn.** XXXXXXXXXXXXX **Done yet?** XXXXXXXXXXXXXX **Finally!**

Hi **Why hello there,** my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **and my name is Ivory Bright'ness Sanity Dove Away and I'm your long lost twin!** and I have long ebony black hair **Obviously.** (that's how I got my name) **Thank you Captain Obvious. No problem, Sergeant Sarcasm.** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **If I ever had a baby with that kind of hair, I'll freak out.** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **Oh.** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **Yeah, sure. And who are those people?** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **How rude. No manners, this girl has.** [[I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Uhuh, so you love incest?** I'm a vampire **that sparkles?** but my teeth are straight and white. **How the fuck would you suck blood then?** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, **A cackling, big-nosed old hag with a pointy hat and a rickety broom and a creepy black cat.** and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts **What hogwash.** in England **Oh, so Hogwarts relocated? Damn. I'm going to get lost...** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **I know.** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **In this case, I could tell,** and I wear mostly black. **cause you're a goth. How stereotypical.** I love Hot Topic **Blimey, and I thought you were a Brit.** and I buy all my clothes from there. **So you fly to America just to buy clothing? You, lady, are one rich b- witch.** For example today I was wearing **nothing.** a black corset **which I don't care about.** with matching lace around it **Yawn.** and a black leather miniskirt, **Are you aiming to be a prostitute?** pink fishnets **that can catch tons of fish.** and black combat boots. **which doesn't fit you.** I was wearing black lipstick, **to look creepier.** white foundation, **I thought you were pale already. Are you aiming to be a ghost or be the White Lady?** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking **or crawling maybe.** outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Just say sleet, for gods' sake.** so there was no sun, **What?! What?! NO Sun?! That's it. I'm leaving to another solar system with a SUN to continue living. Well, after I bury Sun.** which I was very happy about. **Fuck you, being happy over the death of the Sun after what it has done for all of mankind.** A lot of preps **preparatory school kids?** stared at me. **Well, I would also if I saw someone dressed like a prostitute. And doesn't wear robes in Hogwarts.** I put up my middle finger at them. **How dare show such a vulgar gesture to children! You should be ashamed!**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. **towards the sky.** It was…. **Dun. Dun. Dun. Dun... (insert suspense bg music)**

 **Madame Sporker, holding the Holy Spork of Hogwarts to vanquish your Mary-Sue existence!** Draco Malfoy! **NOOOOO! Our first sacrifce... We shall honor you, oh brave soul.**

"What's up **Oh, just the sky and the snow and the rain. R.I.P Sun...** Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." **What?! You're going to remove the sky and the precipitations too?! You... You... You ghastly immoral being!** he said shyly. **Shit. Draco Malfroy has just got infected by the Canon-Rape Plague...**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Thank you friends! Thank you! Alright, Extraction Team, get Draco and let's get out of here!**

XXXXXXXXXXX **Sigh..** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **I need to sleep.** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX **Finally.**

AN: IS it good? **If you want me to be nice (blunt), it's the most amazing (horrible) piece of fanfic (shit) I have ever seen in my life.** PLZ tell me fangz! **fangz!**

* * *

 **Alright, everyone! Please R &R my spork and more comments to help improve the sarcasm!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! This is MadameSporker, reporting for duty! I would like to announce to y'all that this is my sporking of My Immortal, the so-called worst fanfiction ever. By the way, this is not mine. Totally not mine! But, I wasn't able to get the original one (y'know, the cringy, horribly spelt one) Sorry for all who I will offend in this sporking.**

 **Disclaimer: My Immortal does not belong to me. Harry Potter (even if it was oh-so-canon-raped) also does not belong to me. Only the remarks in bold do.**

* * *

AN: Fangz **Sigh... What's with her and fangs** 2 bloodytearz666 **...** 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **Well, from the AN, I can see that she didn't help in it.** BTW preps **preparatory school kids!** stop flaming ma story ok! **Can't you ask nicely? (Or just fucking stop canon-raping the characters?)**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666 **\- I oh-so-found that!** XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day I woke up **Duh.** in my bedroom. **Well, do you sleep in the rest room?** It was snowing and raining again. **Say sleet for god's sake!** I opened the door **Wait, door? You opened the door? Telephatic?** of my coffin **OH. But isn't it a lid?** and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **So blood in a bottle? Some new selling trend today? Whose blood is that anyway?** My coffin was black ebony **Yes, yes, 'cause your Enoby - sorry, Ebony.** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **YAAAWWNN.** I got out of my coffin **WAIT! SO you put blood in a bottle under your pillow or something?** and took of **(- should be off, not of. Well, it'll take me forever before I correct every detail here, so... meh.)** my giant MCR t-shirt **So you don't have any underwear nor pants or shorts on...** which I used for pajamas. **Confirmed.** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, **I. Don't. Care** **!** a pentagram necklace, **that is cursed to make turn their owner into rabid cannibal rainbow farting bunnies (okay, my imagination is weird...)** combat boots **Which you'll never use for combat since you're all powerful and can rape someone with just your Mary Sue-ish presence.** and black fishnets on. **How much fish shall we catch today, matey?** I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **and still be able to look so beautiful.**

My friend, Willow **slapped Ebony in the face!** (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped **and not just any back-flip, her face slammed on the floor.** her long waist-length raven black hair **SO she's Raven because of raven black hair? Of course. And what the hell is the difference between ebony-black and raven-black again?** with pink streaks **I would be so creeped out to see a child with natural hair like that...** and opened her forest-green eyes. **So she knows she's grinning at you before really opening her eyes? And wouldn't she bump her head on the lid of the coffin?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt **Wait, is Willow NOT WEARING ANY TROUSERS?!** with a black mini, fishnets **Yohohohoho, we're gonna catch meself some fishies!** and pointy high-heeled boots. **whose heels broke and made her slam on the floor.** We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **And I thought you were freakin' pale already?!** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, **OMG, left angle bracket, number three! (3) We r su guna talk in txt format! - NO!** I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" **Yes, and he's been slightly recovering...** she said excitedly. **excited for the death of my dearie Canon.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **like a bleedin' traffic light.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **Wait, where are the corridors? The staircases?! the Slytherin common room is directly connected?! WTF**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **And you didn't attract attention? Damn, you must've been mistaken as a ghost, given on how pale you are and still adding foundation.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. **Rolls eyes here. Nobody noticed two prostitutes, one without any pants of any sort, shout at each other?** Just then, Draco walked up to me. **and gave her a big bloody stab in her effing chest with a bloody spork!**

"Hi." he said. **Why hello.**

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **And you said that you and I quote, "so fucking don't!" like Draco.**

"Guess what." he said. **Oh my ghad. He's gonna give the best present ever! Killing you!**

"What?" I asked. **Nothing, just chillin'**

"Well, Good Charlotte **Wait, what?** are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **Since when are muggles are allowed at Hogsmeade?** he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. **Yes, yes, so?** They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Uhuh.**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Because he suddenly strangled me and I died from lack of breath. Meanwhile, Mari here is dying due to the destruction of my sanity and brain cells.**

* * *

 **Thanks for the review, fave and follow. Anyway, I'm slowly losing my sanity as I read...**

 **Also, I changed my username to Marilee04 now. SInce, I decided that destroying my brains cells ain't worth sporking badfics. lol**


End file.
